Update: 8/30/17

It’s been a while since I posted an update here, on how things are going. Summer just finished and I’m about to end my first week back in school for the Fall semester. A lot of stuff has happened in the last three months, to say the least.

It was nice to get out of school in Spring and have a couple weeks of reprieve, but it didn’t last for long. My family wanted to take a trip to Florida, so we spent quite a lot of time packing, planning, and preparing for the trip itself. We were gone for three weeks. Sure on paper that sounded good, but I’ve realized after this vacation that the maximum amount of time I can be away from home is two weeks. And that’s pushing it. because that is the point my family becomes annoying and I just want to hole up in my room with the cats and my video games. Don’t get me wrong, Florida was nice. The beaches were mostly white and sandy with crystal-clear water like you see on the postcards. Plus despite the craziness of driving in downtown Miami, the buildings were aesthetically pleasing, so that was cool too. We visited a lot of state and national parks, and made sure to complete all the Junior Ranger programs we could along the way. Got a lot of badges and patches from that. To round out the trip we also visited the Kennedy Space Center, which was fuckin awesome because I LOVE space. The displays were well done, there were a lot of different focuses to choose from, plus they had a large theater playing documentaries about space. Pretty. Friggen. Cool. Though of course afterward, when we came home, everyone was exhausted. The fun didn’t stop there for me though.

Literally the day after we got back from the trip, amidst the unpacking and sorting for laundry loads, I pushed out as many applications I could to nearby stores. Since December, I pushed out a good number of applications, probably between 30 and 50, to a variety of places across the retail spectrum. I had one interview in December, but they fluffed me off and that was it. So nearly 6 months of trying, and nothing came up, not even an email politely telling me the place doesn’t have jobs to offer. But despite being depressed disheartened from the experience, I kept pushing out more applications, hoping I’d get lucky and someone would give me an interview. And I did. A store couple blocks from my house called me back and said I just needed to sign before they sent my application to HR. Big turnoff was that the guy said they’d get back to me 3-4 weeks later. I didn’t really have that kind of time, since that was about when I’d start a volunteering gig in LA, meaning I couldn’t work, but I thought whatever, it’s at least something. My boyfriend got a new job recently too, and said his place was still hiring. So I applied there and a couple days after I heard from the store by my house, his place called me in for an interview too! Unfortunately I couldn’t get the position I signed up for because my boyfriend already works that department (given the ‘conflicts’ with couples working together with distractions and whatnot), but they switched me to another department, and gave me an interview with the other manager. Couple days later I got a call saying I could have the job! I was so happy, finally things were working out for me.

Like I mentioned earlier, though, I had a volunteering gig planned in advance, for me to be in LA for a week. I signed up for, and was accepted into the Student Volunteer program for SIGGRAPH, which for those who don’t know, long story short it’s a graphics convention. It’s got stuff like software engineering and computer hardware, and things from the opposite side of the tech spectrum like animation and entertainment. Since I’m studying to get a major in 2D Animation, this convention is right up my alley. Basically the qualification I needed to fulfill for my volunteering duties was give them 25 hours of service. In return, I got a bunch of cool perks, the best being a free Full Conference pass. Sure, it was hell driving to and from LA for a week (minus two days because I had my dad drive), so I had to get gas plus pay for parking, but I still saved a lot of money in the long run. Plus the conference was really fun! I got a bunch of merch, mostly free tee shirts and candy. My main shifts were as a greeter, so I got a special tee-shirt for that with a cat face and the I ❤ siggraph logo plastered across the front. TBH my favorite shirt from the batch I got, it’s really soft. The regular volunteer shirts were neon pink. Not too bad, I like to wear mine as a bedtime shirt now, but it was blatantly obvious who you were supposed to go to, to ask questions. Another plus for the cat shirt- it was black, so unless you knew to look for us, we could leave the shirt on and no one would bother us lmao (a lot of pink shirts complained about that when they didn’t change). It was kinda hard standing on my feet for 4 hours (a joke in comparison, now that I’m working), but in my down time I got to check out a number of what the conference had to offer. I went to a few panels, hung out in VR Village, made some customized stuff in the Studio (like notebooks, bags, a phone case, and a shirt with my artwork on it). Plus, I made some new friends who gave me their business cards. I didn’t have them at the time, but now I have cards too. I also won some free items at the end of the week raffle. Not to mention, the convention itself gave out free stuff like ice creams and bobble heads and more. Overall, it was a lot of fun, and I’d definitely do it again. Though I’ll probably wait until it comes back into town before signing up.. (which may take a year or two to circle back around)

Going back to the job front. Since I had prior arrangements volunteering for SIGGRAPH, I had to postpone actually working. I began training the week after I finished with that, which meant a week of watching videos and taking tests. What’s a little difficult getting used to is the job itself. I’ve been working there for about 2-3 weeks now, and am still trying to learn all I can before they throw me into the deep end to fend for myself. We have 5 people in my section right now, and in the next few weeks that’ll go down to me and one other guy. (Needless to say, on top of the stress I already kinda have from the job, that realization didn’t really help). Of course the managers are there to help out if an emergency arises, or things get busy, but still. That’s a lot to handle. Just… AAAA. I didn’t realize getting a job would be this… taxing. I feel like pretty much my last two weeks were mainly devoted to work, and whatever wasn’t work was devoted to my boyfriend. It was mostly a blur. And now that school’s started on top of that? I’m a little worried. The best I can hope for at this point is they don’t give me too many hours, which, since we’re losing a lot of people in my section, doesn’t really seems to be an option… It’ll take a lot of discipline to get through this alive, suffice to say. though given my track record, I’ll probably make it through just fine, but there will be a lot of crying and stressful moments along the way.

Like I said, I’ve kept busy. This upcoming semester is also going to be busy. A part of me feels like I’m falling apart because there is so much shit to do at once, and I can’t do it all. It’s even worse when I have a day off and some down time, but feel so dragged and worn out that I can’t really enjoy the things I did before. Though I guess maybe that’s just the reality of taking on adult responsibilities. But yikes.

 

~Kai

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The Twisted Ones (Partial Discussion)

Hey guys, long time no see. I know, it’s been a while since I wrote something and posted it on this site, mostly regarding the art dumps or at least casual updates I used to post semi-regularly. Well. I’m going to kinda count this as one of them

I just (literally) finished reading The Twisted Ones, the second book in the novel spin-off of FNAF. And holy shit. So much went down. So much, that I’ve been suddenly filled with renewed energy to write a post about my thoughts on the matter. Also, there is a lot of information to digest down, so maybe typing/talking it out will help clear the air a bit. But since I will be discussing the book(s), as well as the lore/endings from all the games, be warned that there will be SPOILERS in the text ahead.

To make things a little easier, I tried breaking down the information I want to discuss in different sections of ideas.

Sammy:

Okay, one of the things I’m still trying to figure out is the actual relevance of Sammy in the overall story. He’s first mentioned in the first book, as Charlie’s twin brother, mostly as a side note to help them find more clues about the whole string of murders at Freddy’s. But in the second book, suddenly he’s this driving force for Charlie to follow, even though his presence is never actually confirmed in the book. I mean, maybe once towards the end Charlie puts her hand to the door in her father’s workshop and feels a heartbeat (??) but I’m not even sure if that could be considered a hint in his direction. I don’t doubt she had a twin. Heck, yeah, he could have potentially been abducted when they were children by the deranged psychopath killing the other children and people. But what’s weird is that again, he was never really confirmed, even as a presence in the environment. Charlie had feelings or whatever, but those were not the same as, say, what the friends felt with Michael the previous year at Freddy’s. That was more tangible, as if the spirit was actually trying to contact them. But with Sammy, it seemed as if it was just intuition on Charlie’s behalf, at that point. Sure, twin connections could be a thing, but it still seems a little far fetched. There isn’t really much information to go on for him. Yes, he was the beginning of “Dave”’s string of murders, but mentioning him in the second book so much felt like a bit too much of an exaggeration (imo).

Charlie’s Identity:

This one is another big thing. Especially after the whole ideal with Dave saying towards the end that she was actually the one that he abducted, not Sammy.

I mean, what ??

We go through this whole story, both books, and follow the development of Charlie’s character alongside the happenings at Freddy’s. In the first book she seemed a bit unsure of herself, understanding her relation to her father and his animatronics, but towards the end transforming and feeling more at ease about the idea of who he was, what he did, and in turn realizing a new part of who she was as well. She had the nightmares (of course who wouldn’t after that shit), which probably would have driven any normal person to stay away from  that sort of thing, but for Charlie in the second book, she is drawn further into the world of animatronics, and makes small doo-dads of her own. Of course the justification of that is she’s making them differently both physically, and for different intentions, but still.

As the string of murders begins to appear, her sudden interest isn’t that surprising. What is, is that the “idea” of Sammy comes to her in dreams and the twin intuition or whatever that compels her to look for more clues, and find out not only what’s behind the murders, but also what’s the actual truth behind the animatronics. She puts herself in harm’s way, literally using herself as bait for the new animatronics to find out what’s going on. And after that, is where it gets interesting.

So she basically gets eaten by new!freddy and shoved into its suit, then knocked out and forcibly taken to the location of another place, supposedly another pizzeria? As aforementioned the chip she found in the other animatronic caused people who saw them to hallucinate and envision things that weren’t really there. Illusions. What didn’t help, when Charlie finally got out, is that she probably had a concusion, so her vision would have been pretty shitty anyway, on top of that. But again, this is where it gets interesting. When she finds Dave, or at this point Springtrap, and tries to grill hik for answers he mentions that he didn’t actually take Sammy, it was she who he had taken. Which, throws a WHOLE lot of things into confusion, after this whole story just happened.

The only thing that I can see (for now) to use as justification is that, similar to FNAF 4, she was put into a coma somehow after Springtrap abducted her as a child. And then she lived out her life, even though she was still, in reality, unconscious? It wouldn’t be uncommon for you to see ghosts or spirits, or evil animatronics and killers on the loose in dreams. The living her life in the coma may be a little far-fetched, but again, Springtrap said he took her. It may have just been a thing he said to throw her off, but it could be true. Especially since Charlie often felt isolated away from people, even those closest to her. She felt closed off whenever she thought of her brother, which of course would be an intense moment she would cling to because it was the last real thing she remembered. The idea of her feeling he was close to her, especially in her dreams, could be relevant because he was actually alive, in the real world, maybe trying to twin-communicate to her in hopes she would wake up.

It’s a little far-fetched, again, but this is all I can (sort of) make sense of with this jumbled mess of information.

Relation of the novel’s plot, vs. the game(s) plot(s):

The novel seems like a familiar tale, similar to the one drawn out through the lore of the games, but it’s not quite the same. The games string together bits and pieces, each game with it’s unique information to share for the overall story. But with the books, it’s not exactly the same information. Sure, the idea of the murders is the same, and the kids spirits being restless enough to want to take vengeance on the next living thing they see, but otherwise it seems like its own story. There are bits and pieces from each of the games I’ve noticed, even the mention of Afton and his animatronics (which I believe was introduced in Sister Location?). The first FNAF game introduces the story, and through the phone calls from the guy (who I believe could be the Purple Guy) we can piece together the story of the kids being murdered, shoved into the suits, and left to rot away in the abandoned pizza parlor. The story is revisited in the novel, but of course with a twist because the perspective is told from the daughter of the man who made them. Similarly (as we find out in later games) rain isn’t the only factor the novel describes as what killed the Purple Guy. Charlie springs the springlocks in his suit, causing him to writhe and bleed “to death”. So the ideas are similar, but the novel is slightly different and on its own track.

Second game has another location ( I haven’t visited this information in a while, but I believe this was supposed to take place before the first game??) with the toy animatronics. The story kinda touches upon that, I think, as Charlie is taken by the evil Freddy to a mysterious location, which turns out to be another pizzeria like Freddy’s. Balloon Boy is the most noticeable one, which is why I would assume this is supposed to be the book version of the FNAF 2 location. The other toy animatronics don’t show up, nor does Mangle or the Marionette, but that seems as good a hint as any to throw in as a reference.

Third game revolves around Springtrap, and sheds light on the idea about the animatronics from the old Freddy’s being burned, but not completely destroyed. Purple Guy comes back as Springtrap, apparently not dead like we thought he was from the phonecalls in the first game (and I believe the minigames revealed in later nights in the 3rd one). The book references this as well, since Charlie thought she killed Dave back at Freddy’s. I still can’t rationalize, realistically, how he would survive that. I really don’t know. But apparently he’s back and controlling the animatronics in the second book, meaning to find Charlie because she has something he wants. (Still not sure what that is??) (Maybe it’s the fact that she’s related to Henry and he wants to remove all traces of him from the animatronics. Maybe Henry knew what Afton was up to, and how is animatronics were actually dangerous, and wanted to stop him. But when he lost his son, then his wife, then the other children, guilt ate at him until it was too much. He offed himself before he could piece together Afton was the one behind it. And since Charlie was his daughter, she would be smart enough, given enough time, to figure out his plans and stop him. So to keep that from happening, the only choice he had was to kill her too, and get rid of the evidence). The idea of the animatronics being burned was touched upon, but they seemed to just be more dismantled/decayed after the incident at Freddy’s, rather than set on fire. But they were a part of the book so I’ll list that as another factor.

Fourth game revolves around the first person pov of a child who we later find to be in a coma. I think this sort of related to the book as well, since they touched upon the idea of the illusionary disks Afton made to alter the appearances of his animatronics. Since they had seen the other for who they really were, the new animatronics looked distorted and evil, similar to the nightmare versions in FNAF 4. Although there isn’t any confirmation of this, like I mentioned earlier, I think there is a possibility Charlie is in a coma, and that’s why all these weird events are happening. (not solid on it, but for now, just putting it out there).

There’s more I want to write on this, like the spirits of the children, more on Afton/Dave/Springtrap, and maybe the animatronics, but it’s getting kinda late and I feel like I’m getting redundant on my ideas, so I’ll cap it for now. Might come back tomorrow if I have time and continue the rant if I still have enough fuel for it. We’ll see.

 

~Kai

Art Dump (2/5/17)

The struggle is real.

And by the struggle, I mean I’ve already started slacking on my ‘drawing of the day’ ha…..

School’s been out for a while, so I’m out of the habit of working (it’s hard for me to get back into the rhythm sometimes). It just got back this last week, so I’ve been trying to figure that out, plus draw for practice. Unfortunately, drawing ends up falling to the wayside.. I didn’t turn out as many as last week, but I’m still trying to put stuff out..

[Even if I don’t draw personal characters or w/e I’ll probably include the doodles I do in my art class, heads up]

Anywho, here’s the drawings I did this week:

~Kai

Art Dump (1/29/17)

Hey guys! I’m back again this week with another art dump.

The fact that school is almost back is already hitting me and I kinda slowed down with the art I’ve been doing.. (classes start tomorrow hnng) But I’ll make sure to draw at least something once a day. Even if it’s just a little doodle of an OC or chibi character or whatev, practice helps..

Without further adieu, here’s my work for this week:

~Kai

Art Dump (1/22/17)

I’ve heard sayings that when you want to change something in your life, it takes a lot of discipline. Right now, I understand what is meant by that.

I’ve made an effort to do a “drawing of the day”, currently that means I’m doing a lot of Pokemon drawings in palettes I’ve found on tumblr. The first couple of days went well, but afterward there was a lull where I didn’t really feel motivated because I had less time to spend on my art. Regardless, I ended up drawing and turning out at least one thing each day.

Originally I planned to stick to the pokemon in palettes I’ve found, but now realize it would be better to branch out and practice drawing a variety of items. The majority so far have been pokemon related, but I’ve also done some character drawings- which includes some of my own. Though I will have less time to work on these sort of things coming up (what with school starting soon and I’ll be getting a job as well), I’ll still make sure to manage my time and work on at least one drawing per day.

I can tell it’s going to be difficult, but I really want to improve my skill sets in this area. Drawing is something I love doing, so I’ll work hard to keep up the chain I’ve started and post once a day (not here, but on DeviantArt and Tumblr at least)

Like I said last time, I’ll be posting art dumps once a week (I think I’ll stick with Sunday as the day I’ll post). Here’s what I’ve been working on so far:

If you have any suggestions of what I should draw next, want to ask questions about my personal chacaters/stories, or just want to say hi, feel free to leave a comment below! Otherwise, hope you guys have a nice day and see you next week.

~Kai

Art Dump (1/16/17)

Like I said in the previous post, I’ve been drawing a lot more recently. Specifically, I’ve been drawing with color palettes and Pokemon. Thought some people here might be interested in seeing my progress, so I’ll come on once a week (some time over the weekend?) and do an art dump.

If you want to check out my work daily, or send me suggestions of what to do next, you can check out my DeviantArt here, my main tumblr blog here, or my art tumblr blog here.

Thanks for stopping by~

~Kai

1/16/17 Update

This is a little longer break than I anticipated, but here I am again, ready to update with what I’ve been up to.

(In reality, not much has really happened)

Um I guess I could start with Christmas and New Years, and say how those went. Christmas was nice, I got to spend the morning with my family, then the afternoon with my boyfriend and his family. I got really lucky, because even though my family was really in the Christmas spirit this year, my boyfriend still came over and gave us presents. Plus I got to do some Christmas-y stuff with his family later. I got him RWBY on blu-ray and he got me the galaxy 3DS that I’ve been watching for a while now (plus Pokemon Moon aha).

Seriously, I am so friggen lucky to have this guy.

Soon after my parents went off on a trip with my sis, so I held down the fort here and watched our cats. We’ve got three big ones and a kitten. The kitten was the handful, I’ll say that much.

Since I had to watch the cats, I mostly ended up doing stuff around the house. This meant a lot of messing on the computer, watching TV, or playing games. Don’t get me wrong, I got out every once in a while, but for the most part I just hung out at home, making sure the little one had plenty of time to run around and do his thing.

New Years Eve I was lucky and got invited over by my neighbor for dinner with her and her friend. I ended up staying there until like 3am haha.. (Honestly, I stayed that late ’cause we were watching music performances on TV and I wanted to see the one for p!atd, but I didn’t get to catch it. Guess it was on another show or something..) Crashed as soon as I got home. Next morning I went out and spent some time with my boyfriend and his family, plus some friends. Good times.

More recently than that I got sick.. I had the stomach bug for nearly two weeks and I’m just now getting over it. I’m at the point where I still have to watch what I eat, but I can slowly reintroduce foods to get my body used to it again. (I swear, over the course of this sickness I lost like 15 lbs, it’s been weird)

Another recent thing is I’ve been drawing a lot more the past few days. I wanted to feel productive even though I’m still stuck in the house (my family is back but they’re sick too, so we’ve just been staying home..) I started following this color palette blog on tumblr as inspiration for me to draw more frequently, and so far so good. I pick a few palettes I think look cool and try to match it with a Pokemon I like, then draw it. The process is still a little weird since I’m not used to drawing just with the tablet yet, so I end up drawing a pencil sketch first, take a picture of that, then trace the picture with my tablet on Photoshop. Again, it’s weird, but for now it works. I’m getting a little more used to my tablet, and I like doing the variety of colors and Pokemon. hopefully I can keep this up ahaha….

Anyway, I think that’s enough for this update. If you have any questions or concerns, feel free to leave me a comment below. Hope you guys have a nice day.

~Kai

11/26/16 Update

Welp it’s that, time again. It’s been about a month so I figure it would be a good idea to post another update. (Plus if I don’t do this now, I won’t be able to until after Finals in a couple of weeks..)

Have to say it’s been an interesting month. School has been fairly busy (cough math cough) with a bunch of stuff. Like I said, I’m gearing up for finals over these next coming weeks. Breaking it down it isn’t really a lot, I guess, but math has a test this week and the final next, on top of other stuff I have to do (write a research essay and draw a portrait of myself) it’s a bit much. (Math is my main focus so I have to do a lot of studying hhhh).

On a side note, I’ve been working on other projects as well. More personal than school orientated, though. I’m trying to get back into the habit of writing chapters for my ongoing Undertale fanfiction and so far it’s… sort of working? I read over the last few chapters I recently wrote and have an idea of what I want to do next, but what bothered me was how skewed the schedule of events was, and other small, weird details. It got to me enough that now I’m in the process of editing the chapters I currently have so that they’re laid out more coherently. Originally I planned to just edit small parts and replace it on the current fanfiction I have, but at this rate, I’ll have to make a new section for it all together. The storyline is pretty much the same, but the way I present the information is different enough I can’t just copy/paste what I have. (Plus I’ve been adding details that make the edit longer so I’ve broken up the chapters further. For example, the prologue was originally one chapter, but now there are four.) I won’t do anything on ao3 until I get closer to editing my more current chapters, but I have started posting preemptively on wattpad to keep track of things.

Another thing, more recently was how this past week went. I spent the week by myself, watching the cats at home, and ended up going to my boyfriend’s family Thanksgiving functions for lunch and dinner. It was cool, I guess. At least it was nice to have some quiet around the house (other than the occasional cat fight). Overall found it pretty tiring to be doing most of the chores by myself (I say most because I had my bf come and neighbor over at one point and they helped me out), especially running back and forth between school and home to make sure I was meeting the cats’ needs by feeding them and cleaning the litter boxes three times a day…I was really looking forward to Thanksgiving because nowadays I don’t get to do many family functions with my family (we used to, but we’ve gotten out of the habit of it recently). I thought it was pretty fun, to be honest. I’m still not used to spending time with that many people at once, but I think I could, given some time. Plus on top of that we had a lot (seriously, a lot) of awesome food. There was a mix of classic Thanksgiving dishes and filipino dishes, which was pretty cool. I think his relatives liked me, they ended up inviting me to their Christmas function already, heh. (Keeping my fingers crossed that my parents will let me go).

There’s other stuff that has been going on but it’s not as noteworthy. The only other thing I could think about mentioning is my adventures in Pokemon hunting, but that’s repetitive and some people aren’t as interested in Pokemon GO now? If there is anyone who wants me to make a specific post for that and go in depth with my findings/what I’ve read I can, but otherwise I will leave a link to my facebook page, where I usually post/comment on updates from the app.

Otherwise, that’s all I have to say at this moment. I’ll try and post another update after I finish with finals (and the end of the semester). If you have any questions, comments, or concerns, feel free to contact me. Thanks for reading!

~Kai

10/9/16 Update

Hello again guys, just thought I’d check in.

To be honest I had an idea of a rant I could expand upon today but after talking with my friend, I decided against it. We were talking in the morning about the new FNAF Sister Location (well I was talking about it, mostly) because I have been watching play through and theory videos for it the past couple of days.

Ironic how this is my way of calming down after a stressful week.

So yeah, I basically came on this morning with all this information swirling around my head and needed someone to rant to. And I did, spoilers and all. But since this is a more public forum and people might get mad at me for posting spoilers or controversial ideas or whatnot, I’ll refrain from that for now. On top of that, the game literally just came out two days ago so it wouldn’t be fair to those who want to go into the game green.

Still think that this is a big step up from the other games though and would incite an interesting conversation though.

I guess from the gameplay I’ve seen some youtubers do I can make general comments on the game though? As in gameplay/ general story wise… [Personally, so far, I’ve watched the playthroughs of Markiplier (scroll down to the bottom for the videos) and Razzbowski, and afterward went to MattPat’s channel to check out his theories and whatnot.]

From the gameplay itself I like how it’s more interactive with the environment. A step up from the original games, where the player as the security guard was stationed in one spot for the night, the player has more mobility, especially in the galleries where the animatronics lie. Similarly, the quality of the graphics has gotten better too. (Which of course, comes with new technologies as well as experience of the game maker over time). In regards to the atmosphere, the sound effects and music compliment the environment well, causing tension and suspense in just the right moments. (The jumpscares are pretty cool too).

In regards to the story, I liked how the information was presented, with voice acting that allows the characters to develop the story, as well as give us a chance to understand who they are. It also adds to the mentality of the game franchise’s overall story, as now that the player can become attached to the character, which deepens their connections within the game. (I want to go into more detail, but that would become spoiler territory, sorry)

Think that should be enough about it for now. This update wasn’t as long as I had hoped it would be (I honestly thought I would have had more to say about things in general, but I guess because it’s getting late and it’s been a long week I’ve run out of ideas I can talk about). So I will bid you guys farewell and pick this up again whenever.

Thank you for reading, if you have any questions, suggestions, or concerns, please feel free to leave a comment for me below!

9/4/16 Update- Undertale

I think I’m getting to the point where I can just talk about a random topic, post about it, and feel like I’m being productive by keeping up with this website.

Or I’m just using this as an excuse because I don’t want to work on my homework hah

Anyway, I was checking tumblr and decided it would be a good time to update the page where I keep track of my Undertale runs. I posted a little excerpt about what I’ve been doing, and then listed all the runs I’ve taken part in so far. Here, though, I can go a little more in depth and explain what’s been going on with my experience (finally).

Originally when I got the game I wanted to be a purist and just go at it without knowing what was in store, but I came in at the time where all the popular youtubers were uploading their playthroughs and, well, curiosity got the better of me. I partially went through the game on my own, which meant I would watch up to a certain point (what they had uploaded until then), then do my own run plus a little more.

I had already heard stories about the possibilities of different runs, and wanted to have a well rounded experience by trying most of them out. So, I ended up playing the pacifist, then a neutral run (where I only killed Undyne)- funny story, when I did my pseudo blind playthrough I didn’t really like her character on the first run. So I vowed the next time I played I would kill her. It was at that point I realized her character wasn’t all that bad, that she really is a good person, and that I took things too seriously when she tried to kill me-then came the genocide run. Now that was interesting. I saw quite a few people playing it online at the same time (youtube again) and thought I should try my own as well. Of course in the back of my mind, there was a voice saying ‘don’t do it! They’re nice people and don’t deserve to die!’ But then another voice came in and reasoned ‘it’s just a video game, and we need to see what the differences are between the runs. So suck it up, this is happening’.

In the end, the second voice won over and I worked my way through the genocide run. The first time was torture. I ended up watching playthroughs again, this time to actually see what I was getting myself into. The most predominant one I kept track of was when Barry and Ross from Game Grumps played their genocide run. I started about the same time, and figured it would be helpful to keep track of theirs so I wouldn’t take too long on my run. I think I started about when they reached Undyne, and got to Undyne when they finished fighting her and moved on. (It took me like 50 times to finally finish her off on that first run). They got to Sans about a day before I did, and when I caught up, I nearly cried. I thought the battle wouldn’t be that hard, but between the emotional attachment I have to his character, and the overall fuckery he pulls throughout the battle, it was pretty difficult. Especially, the kicker, was that between the 5-10 tries, I was able to get up to the last move no problem. But. I. Kept. Dying. It was so frustrating getting that far in the battle and losing it (literally) at the last second before it finished. There were quite a few times I had anxiety attacks during/after playing the game. But soon enough, after like a week of working at it, I finally beat Sans on my 23rd try. When I look back at it now I think, wow, it took me that long? But for the first time on a genocide route it’s not half bad. It was pretty much downhill after that.

Next run I did was hard mode, (I almost forgot that was a thing) before taking on another pacifist run. I heard the ending was different from the pure pacifist run, and wanted to see the differences for myself. Part-way into the run I switched off and did other things. I was getting kind of bored with the game because I went through my runs capturing screen shots, making the runs that much longer to finish. Instead, I spent time searching the internet for pictures of the characters (you can tell who was my favorite of the day, as there are usually blocks of one character at a time) and reading fan theories on tumblr. A couple of times I even contributed to the posts I came across which, looking back at them now, I could have explained my ideas a little better but oh well? At some point I also made a blog specifically so I can categorize the undertale posts I like, and easily access/reference them. I still post undertale stuff on my main blog from time to time, but chances are if you want to see what I post, look at the blog I linked above.

In this time frame was also when I started making my own contributions to the Undertale fandom. I started posting random doodles of the characters, mainly Mettaton and Sans. Of course there were many others, like for Gaster, Undyne, Papyrus, Frisk, and Chara, but they were small, kinda rushed drawings I didn’t want to show off so I just keep those in my sketch folder on the main computer. On top of that, I also had the idea to start writing my own fanfiction. I was in that rut of the ‘sansxreader fanfiction of the week’, and thought ‘hey, I should write my own’. So I did.

It started when I was daydreaming in class and got the idea for how it might feel if the runs kept resetting, but I experienced it in first person. After being able to visualize it, I spent the next couple days writing it down in my free time. And with those ideas swimming around in my head, they in turn inspired me to write more about what else was going on. To be honest, I didn’t really plan out my chapters in advance, it mostly involved me rereading what I had already wrote and writing more based on the inspiration I got. It took me longer than it should have to realize I shouldn’t be writing like that, because I got a lot of details mixed up and had no freaking clue where the story was going. So around chapter 12/13 I started brainstorming and jotting down notes I could use to write the next few chapters, until I reached the end of the story. It looked good on paper, but I stopped writing for the longest time because I lost my motivation to keep going. Hard times hit and I couldn’t continue. That, and I still couldn’t figure out what to do for the fighting mechanics and wanted to prolong writing that part as much as possible. I updated a chapter since then, but it’s still kinda difficult getting back into the swing of things. (Though I picked up my notes again and started changing some details so it might be easier to write/ might motivate me to update again soon enough).

That puts us at about summer time now, which is about the time I got this new laptop. I hadn’t had one before, and I was using the one my mom got pretty frequently for school (since she had an ipad and didn’t really use it). My parents ended up giving this to me as a graduation present (I’m in college now.. yay) and you can probably guess what was one of the first things I did.

I downloaded Steam. (and Undertale)

So within the first few weeks of summer I started playing games again, more frequently because I had the accessibility and time to do so. I picked up Undertale again, starting this time with the genocide route because I wanted the challenge, and also to see if I could beat how long it took me to get past everything last time. Needless to say, it didn’t take nearly as long. I ended up beating Undyne on the first try (which led me to question why I thought she was so hard in the first place) and I beat Sans within like 10. Afterwards I did another pacifist, since the first time I did genocide-pacifist, I didn’t see the differences at the end. This time I found it, and took more screen shots. (It’s a little easier now because I can do full screen without worrying about my parents looking in on my game, like when I use the computer in the living room..) Then I went back to another genocide (because I hadn’t done two under the same cloud save, and wanted to see how the responses would differ. (It only took five tries to beat Sans that time) Turns out Chara comes back and recognizes this isn’t the first time you killed everyone and says that you have a perverted sentimentality.

After doing a couple genocides I felt bad and went back to pacifist. I was past the point of saving my soul, but wanted to see everyone happy again, so I went back. I had a lot of fun on that run because there were some easter eggs I forgot about (like the refrigerator call from Sans), and also because I did some voice overs for the characters. But once I finished that run, summer was beginning to end and I was getting kind of tired with the game again. At that point I decided to focus on collecting the varied responses from the characters with their death sequences, and also with Sans calling at the end. (I consulted my boyfriend about which runs to do. Basically gave him the list of bosses and asked him to pick who I kill). First neutral run involved killing random encounters and all the bosses except for Toriel. The one I just finished this morning (because school started and I haven’t played many games) was also random encounters, but I only killed Undyne and Mettaton. Still up in the air as to the next run I’ll be doing.

Anyway, that’s pretty much the jist of it, how I came into playing undertale, and what’s happened along the way. Overall I think the game is great, well made not only in gameplay mechanics and the soundtrack, but the characters are well developed as well. The more angles/runs you see them from, the more their personalities are revealed. If you haven’t played the game yet and enjoy the style of RPG, I would highly suggest checking it out.

Other than that, thank you guys for reading, I know this is a lot more than what I usually post. Hope you liked listening to my little story here. If there’s a run you’d like to suggest that I haven’t done yet, or have questions about a certain run, or if you want to discuss theories, feel free to leave a message in the comments below.